Testing of your mind

To wonder what is going on when you think you know and that side of you that knows everything is fine in general but you're scared somethings up; maybe even an elephant in the room. Or maybe its the simply fact that you're one to think so hard that you create problems that aren't even there. That could be it as well. Either way, your mind is testing your patience as you struggle with so many things you want to say or scream aloud. But why? Is anything even wrong. Maybe its the sole fact that I need to work more on investing in other peoples lives and those I care about more than myself to see whats really up. I wonder sometimes whether some people care; well am I showing that I care about their life and what's going on. Maybe not, maybe I need to pick up my game. The struggle is real...up in this head of mine. There's also that bit of conviction going down within myself knowing when something is against his Word and what he wants for me in life. Those struggles make my heart feel like it's being zapped over and over again even when I think I'm doing something that makes me "happy" To ignore the Holy Spirit I've discovered is to push what you're hearing into any open grave...the more dirt you throw on top, the more drowned out the sound becomes; yet the grief becomes worse at the same time.